Our lives revolve around relationships, right? So why not take the time to analyze and understand exactly who you are and what you need in order to thrive in the relationship that you are seeking? The most important thing that is often overlooked by people is, what exactly is that I am looking for, and why? If you don’t know what it is that you need to be genuinely happy in a relationship, our first suggestion is, don’t be in one just yet!
The first step in identifying the needs in your relationship ( or future to be ) is to identify yours .
Define your core values
Understand your emotional needs
Identify your love pattern
Let’s break them down:
Your Core Values:
These are the things that you are not likely to change; you can call these your “non-negotiables”. Your values can derive from specific beliefs that you truly feel and have established that you need them to be who you are. This can include trust, decision-making, honesty, spiritual beliefs, family, self-discipline, or a specific lifestyle. Everyone has different core values.
Always keep in mind that when it comes to overcoming and dealing with issues as a couple, whether big or small, values are what count the most. This is because if you are not on the same page at the “core” then when things get shaky, both individuals will be pulled in two different directions causing additional problems. Now, who wants that? Make sure that you communicate your values with the person you intend to build your life with.
Your Emotional Needs:
So, now you understand that your core values are the foundation of who you are as an individual and that they will serve as a foundation for your relationship. Well, your emotional needs begin to define things at a deeper level in your relationships. One thing that you have to know is that you have to acknowledge these needs before you attempt to find someone to fill them.This goes to say,that you must take responsibility for yourself and not put it on your partner’s shoulders. Sure there are certain things you need the other person for, but if there is “baggage” your partner isn’t aware of, then that may cause some problems. If your emotions are triggered and you don’t even know what the root cause is, how can you expect your partner to fix it? It will be unfair if they don’t know what you were carrying to begin with and confused as to why they have to deal with something they didn’t cause. This happens all of the time, so invest in healing those emotional wounds.
Once you understand what fulfillment means to you, you will be a step further in finding a partner who you can feel satisfied and happy with. You have to be happy with yourself first.
Your Love Pattern:
Think about relationships that you’ve had or that you currently have, that have brought out the best in you. They don’t necessarily have to be romantic relationships (although maybe a better gauge in this case) but take time to see how you really felt; did these relationships help you grow and make you
feel fulfilled? Consider your relationships with your family and friends, in what type of environment did you feel the best? The key is to think about the people who make you feel safe, secure, and those whom you can be yourself around with no worries! Make note of the pattern you begin to see. Is your mindset like those certain individuals? Do they have a certain personality or energy that you are drawn to?
Often, the people who you feel the most comfortable around posses the kinds of traits that you need and desire for a successful relationship. All of the qualities won’t be the exact same, but you will more than likely be attracted to something that feels familiar. Again, this is why you should be very aware of who you surround yourself with and what type of things they bring out of you. Make sure it is only the best!
Don’t be afraid or feel left out because you are taking the time to be centered and sure of who you are. If anything, you are doing what you should do to obtain a healthy and lasting relationship.
You are setting yourself up for success.